“Murder, plate two from Death and Resurrection”, 1922. Otto Dixon

The Energetic Embodiment

There are times in life when we recognize our own unhappiness, discomfort, depression and even anxiety. As we grow we become aware of the passing emotional tides in life, the highs and lows. Yet somehow, most of us don’t have a clue about emotional regulation. Eventually, our perception of the world becomes skewed creating a complicated reality to journey through.

Think back to the first moments you were soothed, and how you’ve been hooked ever since. Haven’t we always needed to be lulled into comfort? Is there something wrong with that? Instinctively, you say, “no … ?”. The crying baby needs to feel his mothers embrace and kiss its face when it enters the world. But in time, we also learned how to create moments to receive comfort. The 3 year old yelled at the top of his lungs until his parents came to pick him up from the floor. Unaware of the power of self regulation, the yell gets louder and the cycle begins.

Can I have your attention now ?

Now, the adult is grown and making decisions for themselves everyday. But, still the cycle of destruction and comfort co-exist, weaving tighter. We are now responsible for the stories we experience. The comfort we once received outside of the body is more complex to find. The tantrums no longer guarantee the same results. In ways our awareness has changed, for better or worse, and we cannot deny that. At some point, we are able to recognize when the sun is shinning and when it rains in our world. Possibly, you begin to notice what triggers the change in your weather. The science isn’t easy, but you have noted the formula. Don’t argue against that - because you know how to make yourself feel better in any condition. But is the temporary satisfaction pleasing to you? Don’t you want to choose real everlasting pleasure?

“Do You Really Know Pleasure” A Poem by Maya Nicole ‘23

Why would we want to address the fact that we are the only ones coming to save us in the end? That doesn’t make me feel warm and fuzzy inside. But, not accepting the facts is prolonging your suffering. You know when you are unhappy, frustrated, disappointed and you see when the moments arise. Yet, you still choose to be in and around those spaces, places and faces. The inability to make a better choice while knowingly suffering … that is your demon.

The cycles continue to occur and you focus on all the external factors that have brought this despair into your world. The blame gets placed on anything, but you. I have to ask, why do you continue to make the choice that add to your unhappiness?

At some point, we become so wrapped up in our negativity that being positive feels hard. I guess it’s “natural” to be down bad when you've been there for so long. Our brains begin to desire it … almost like it’s filling something?

In a way, you must like this spanking that life gives you. In some way, you must get a bit of pleasure from this pain. Demons just fcking you real hard and you are loving it. If not, you would speak up, right? You would demand they stop and listen to your pleas for change. But, the cycle repeats itself and you have yet to make your demands. I hope you now realize I am only referring the demons of the mind.

Demons are all the things that keep you from being your authentic, most evolved self. Self doubt, insecurities, toxic habits, bad eating - the things we know are no good but can’t seem to shake. Demons have a hold over us.

The demons I’m talking about are allowing you to be complacent with your season in life. These demons make you take the victim position and hand over your power. These demons want you to choose inappropriate self soothing mechanism. They only allow you to experience instant gratification. They’ll never give you the big O that you’re truly looking for. You want to feel at peace in your mind, but you have to believe it. You have to embody the energy that you deserve peace and contentment for life and spirit. But, you have to know that only you can create it for yourself.

When you are ready to end the cycle you will. I just know you will. It’s only a matter of time until you are ready to let go. Let go of the person you used to be with gratitude and no shame. Mourn the fact that your identity is changing and you need to be free. It's time to free yourself from the hell you have turned into paradise. Don’t you think?

Stop choosing the lesser option. Stop fucking those demons.

Burn it to the ground.